“There are two things we should always be 1. Raw and 2. Ready. When you are raw, you are always ready and when you are ready you usually realize that you are raw. Waiting for perfection is not an answer, one cannot say “I will be ready when I am perfect” because then you will never be ready, rather one must say “I am raw and I am ready just like this right now, how and who I am.”
(C. Joy Bell)
I'm back in India and on my way to Mysore and although I feel so grateful to be here once again on my path I also feel a little nervous about the impending future and the choices that I've made to get here. It's been a year or so since I was a student once again and the perfectionist in me wants to shine, which I admit is creating a little anxiety, but I also feel sadness for leaving Thailand... I fell in love with that country at first sight. While I was leaving to board my plane to India from Bangkok yesterday I kept thinking, "This is a cross roads...." And I also reminded myself that both craving and aversion create suffering... just like the Buddha said. So I took a deep breath many steps along the way to Bangalore and now here I am... back in India and slowly refocusing on my yoga path. Sure, I miss Thailand. There are a lot of people and places that I miss in my life... but I feel grateful for every experience once again. The moments that got me here. The moments that still await me. So again, a deep breath, and a step forward.
Even with it being my 2nd trip to India I am still filled with enthusiasm to have the opportunity to practice with my teacher. So much appreciation and love arises within me to stand before my teacher and all that this practice and path represents. It's also inspiring to share it with others who understand and are inspired to live more deeply, more consciously, even in the midst of making our own mistakes and follies along the way. It's a part of living. What is important is that we try and put effort forth in the process.
The first week always feels a bit magical. So maybe I am beginning to ride high on that feeling. Every trip has it's own energetic makeup. Some trips have been harder than others and no matter what arises it is always worth it. Growth is always happening. Sometimes there are cycles within cycles. We come full circle to start over again from another vantage point. I always like to have a sense of curiosity even in the repetition in the Ashtanga practice. Bringing new eyes to what I have done before. Everyday is different and no matter how much we try to control it, life is in a constant flow of change.
This go around I traveled to Bangalore from Bangkok and then Mumbai so I didn't have that initial tiredness from travel when I landed. Coming from Mumbai was rather seamless. I already had my accommodations sorted and priority number one when I arrived to Bangalore was to visit my friend Meredith and then to prepare for my transportation to Mysore. Once there my priority is to register at KPJAYI. Still riding high on the incredible experience in Thailand (Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Koh Phi Phi, Koh Phangan) I'm entering a positive space and have the added gratification to have a month of simply being a student. In reality I am always a student no matter what role that I play but to have time set aside to only be a student and nothing else is rather priceless. Again, I feel grateful.
When I leave Mysore I definitely look forward to heading east once again, if not back home, but the funny thing is it doesn't take much time for the pull of India and this desire to practice at the source to take hold, so I foresee myself actually heading north towards Rishikesh first before I head back to Thailand. But who knows :)
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