THE KRIYA YOGA BLOG
Nurturing Your Mind, Body, and Spirit on the Path of Yoga and Self-Discovery
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Practicing and teaching I’ve experienced resistance on various levels in myself and have observed it in the students I assist on a daily basis. Sometimes the resistance we face comes across quite clear as it screams at us for attention. Other times it sneaks up without a warning dressed in disguise. Resistance. It’s always around lurking. I’ve been fascinated with the topic particularly since I’ve felt it on a personal level over the past six months. It seems to run in cycles often making itself known more prominently at certain times than others. What I have found is acknowledging its presence no matter how much you wish it wasn’t there, even in the midst of feeling it... to simply show up takes every bit of energy you have, but there is an opportunity for growth in the struggle. Afterward, when the clouds have cleared a wellspring of growth and expansion usually awaits on the other side of it. Allowing what is to be is one of the most arduous of internal practices we face on and off the mat. After we have experienced our honeymoon period from attaining the “goodies” of a constant yoga practice we notice that the feeling begins to wear off and then we become aware that some of the most extensive work is about to begin. This is the yoga. The goodies only give a small taste of the true experience. A fractional glimpse into the eye of the proverbial storm, but we have to go through the storm at some point and resistance is part of that storm. Not all situations will be ideal. There will be days our bodies will feel stiff, and our minds will feel as if it sits within the depths of hell. In turn we may experience apathy and boredom as we are seduced by our expectations of how things should be. Of course, this is the play of the mind and the craving of the ego. There is really is no need to judge when resistance crops up because it is inevitable. However, what will we put in its place? A question worth contemplating. I know for me the practice has evolved and changed over the years. In the beginning there was an abundance of excitement and enthusiasm. Everything felt new and every challenge was something that motivated me to tread forward. I still feel this to some extent but more and more the focus rests in the quiet unchanging part of myself, because after awhile I realize that the body is in a constant state of flux and then ultimately impermanence is experienced. Change is always happening and acknowledgement of that makes the ride all the more graceful. The important thing to remember is the effort and steadfastness we put forth to practice as we rest in this quiet space of awareness is more important than any of the postural goodies we can acquire. Even in the midst of injury, apathy, boredom, fatigue, and depression, all these struggles must be faced head on and there is really no need to wish it were different. Everything in time passes. Grace happens when we let go of the need for it to be any other way. As a teacher it can be one of the most honest discussions I can have with a student. No, it won’t always be easy, and no it won’t always be fun, but I will tell you, it will be worth it. 
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 “The practice of asanas and pranayama is learning to control the body and the senses so the Inner light may come forth. That light is the same for the whole world and it is possible for man to experience this light, his own Self through correct Yoga practice. This is the natural outcome of a good practice and one will gradually learn to control the mind because one eventually will come to experience the very support of it. But the mind is indeed very difficult to control, but everything is made possible with right practice. We must therefore first and foremost practice, practice, practice for any real understanding of Yoga to take place. Then eventually we will be able to break the fixed patterns of the mind and taste the greater underlying support of it all.” - Sri K. Pattabhi Jois While in Thailand I began my yoga practice again. Finding a studio here or there to lie my mat upon. Occasionally finding a new friend or even a stranger within a hostel that wanted to practice too, giving me another opportunity to lie my mat out on a hostel floor. To breathe deeply amongst other yogis.... With feelings of comfort and exhilaration, mixed in with the energy of everyone in the room, let’s just say, after a year of practicing alone, there is no other place I’d rather be than in a room with another yogi. And, let’s not forget the heat of tapas being burned. Settling into this breath paced practice, I hop onto the wave, and simply enjoy the ride. And now India... my second week of a serious practice, which I’m in the midst of now, reality sets in. The kinks in the body arise. When the high of the first week wears off, the real work begins. It will be a steady climb before I start to coast again. It always works out this way. It also takes a while to decompress from the pace of living on the road compared to being still, whether at home or in a yoga training. In India, one quickly learns that everything works left of center. Never quite right. Never fully efficient, but somehow things come together anyway. A good lesson in giving up control or else live the alternative of beating your head up against a brick wall. It’s never fun and you’ll tire of it eventually. Two trips, I feel blessed and thankful to have had the opportunity to come and as often as I have. I know it isn’t always easy for those out there who are balancing many things to put together the trip. I know this, and it reminds me to never take it for granted. I think for me my first trip to India really put what I deemed important into perspective. Growing up in the U.S.A., quite frankly, I was forced fed a bunch of bullshit. Force fed good stuff too, but when young it was confusing distinguishing between my own growing intuition and knowing, and the cultural mores that surrounded me. I know this might be controversial for some, and no matter, it has brought me to this point of discovery. Freedom isn’t always what we think it to be. Think on that. What does it really mean to be free? In the same light, I honor the balance of deepening a yoga practice and creating a life out in the world of material. Some can use trips to Mysore (or Sedona) as an escape, and quite frankly, I find dipping my toes into both worlds deems useful in honoring what it means to bring yoga into life. How can we know that the practice has done it’s work? Through the years, with more practice, something more wants to be born. I find this exciting. I feel through our yoga practice we uncover gifts, and it’s our responsibility to bring it forward or else grow stagnant. In many ways, it’s an offering. Our service to the world. Opening up to this there’s a sense of release, and at the same time, a comfort in not knowing it all. When I’m here I like to keep my eyes and ears open as I tune into my awareness. Can I learn something new through my encounters? Can I be open and release all notions of knowing something. Because yoga doesn’t work through association alone and idle gossip. It never has. Practice, practice, practice...  Bangalore, India - my mode of transportation  “There are two things we should always be 1. Raw and 2. Ready. When you are raw, you are always ready and when you are ready you usually realize that you are raw. Waiting for perfection is not an answer, one cannot say “I will be ready when I am perfect” because then you will never be ready, rather one must say “I am raw and I am ready just like this right now, how and who I am.” (C. Joy Bell) I'm back in India and on my way to Mysore and although I feel so grateful to be here once again on my path I also feel a little nervous about the impending future and the choices that I've made to get here. It's been a year or so since I was a student once again and the perfectionist in me wants to shine, which I admit is creating a little anxiety, but I also feel sadness for leaving Thailand... I fell in love with that country at first sight. While I was leaving to board my plane to India from Bangkok yesterday I kept thinking, "This is a cross roads...." And I also reminded myself that both craving and aversion create suffering... just like the Buddha said. So I took a deep breath many steps along the way to Bangalore and now here I am... back in India and slowly refocusing on my yoga path. Sure, I miss Thailand. There are a lot of people and places that I miss in my life... but I feel grateful for every experience once again. The moments that got me here. The moments that still await me. So again, a deep breath, and a step forward. Even with it being my 2nd trip to India I am still filled with enthusiasm to have the opportunity to practice with my teacher. So much appreciation and love arises within me to stand before my teacher and all that this practice and path represents. It's also inspiring to share it with others who understand and are inspired to live more deeply, more consciously, even in the midst of making our own mistakes and follies along the way. It's a part of living. What is important is that we try and put effort forth in the process. The first week always feels a bit magical. So maybe I am beginning to ride high on that feeling. Every trip has it's own energetic makeup. Some trips have been harder than others and no matter what arises it is always worth it. Growth is always happening. Sometimes there are cycles within cycles. We come full circle to start over again from another vantage point. I always like to have a sense of curiosity even in the repetition in the Ashtanga practice. Bringing new eyes to what I have done before. Everyday is different and no matter how much we try to control it, life is in a constant flow of change. This go around I traveled to Bangalore from Bangkok and then Mumbai so I didn't have that initial tiredness from travel when I landed. Coming from Mumbai was rather seamless. I already had my accommodations sorted and priority number one when I arrived to Bangalore was to visit my friend Meredith and then to prepare for my transportation to Mysore. Once there my priority is to register at KPJAYI. Still riding high on the incredible experience in Thailand (Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Koh Phi Phi, Koh Phangan) I'm entering a positive space and have the added gratification to have a month of simply being a student. In reality I am always a student no matter what role that I play but to have time set aside to only be a student and nothing else is rather priceless. Again, I feel grateful. When I leave Mysore I definitely look forward to heading east once again, if not back home, but the funny thing is it doesn't take much time for the pull of India and this desire to practice at the source to take hold, so I foresee myself actually heading north towards Rishikesh first before I head back to Thailand. But who knows :)
"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with it's yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could." ~ Louise Erdrich  Koh Phangan, Thailand “The practice of asanas and pranayama is learning to control the body and the senses so the Inner light may come forth. That light is the same for the whole world and it is possible for man to experience this light, his own Self through correct Yoga practice. This is the natural outcome of a good practice and one will gradually learn to control the mind because one eventually will come to experience the very support of it. But the mind is indeed very difficult to control, but everything is made possible with right practice. We must therefore first and foremost practice, practice, practice for any real understanding of Yoga to take place. Then eventually we will be able to break the fixed patterns of the mind and taste the greater underlying support of it all.” - Sri K. Pattabhi Jois  Chiang Mai, Thailand - New Years Eve |
My MessageLove is the essence of our life. I have written this blog with love, and I offer it to you, dear reader, with the hope that the suggestions offered here will become a vital part of your self-healing and continued well-being. ~ Ashley SEARCH TOPICS
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