Contemplation: Living with & without fear - showing up & just going for it

I've been on the road now for four months and nine days.  Sometimes while I travel along or when I am trying to fall asleep I catch myself worrying about what my future will hold.  I find myself worrying about what I will do for a living and where I will live and how I will feel back in the "real world".  I find myself sometimes planning my life and my future based out of a place of fear.  Fear of living without.  Fear of not being successful.  Fear of being alone.  And in that end picture I never seem content or happy despite having "all the things" I was afraid to live without.

And then I remind myself of the yogic principle that all that really matters is how I feel right now and what I am doing right now in this present moment.  I remind myself that it's okay to be afraid of the future, so long as I show up and make choices from a place that lacks fear.  That showing up will make all the difference.  I remind myself of all I've accomplished and managed to do in my life despite curveballs and life lessons... and that no matter what the world throws at me later, well... I'll be okay.  Failures allow me an opportunity to try again and again and again.

So, I remind myself that although I had some fear about my choice to drop all I had... to pack a back-pack, grab my moms ashes and my yoga mat, and board a plane on a journey around the world, that it has still worked out so far. By showing up and moving forward this journey has felt so worth it and unbelievably healing.  Completely rewarding. Successful.

And then I quit worrying... Life is short.  Losing my mother last year was a reminder of it... so why waste any more time following a path that didn't make me feel curious or happy?  Why should we ever waste a moment worrying about tomorrow or money or paths or purpose?  Why not instead choose to live fully each day and to simply follow our bliss?  To do only that which makes us happy and passionate and alive.

I like this picture above.  It reminds me to check in with myself.  To ensure that I am following my bliss and doing that which makes me happy... I believe that as long as I continue to do so, that I am actually walking the best path for me - that I am following that which makes me feel naturally curious and alive... and in the end I will arrive at my purpose with passion and happiness and this world might be better off because of it. When the day comes that I have to decide where to live, I'll embrace that day and make a decision and just roll with it.  When the day comes that I have to decide what to do for a living, I will make a choice from a place of passion and not fear. When the day comes that I run out of money, I'll part with something else until it's all gone and then simply start over when I am ready. *sigh... it's freeing. And I feel grateful.  ​