Gratitude, Perpective, Reality and a personal dilemma.

Do you want peace? Forgiveness offers it.
Do you want happiness, a quiet mind,
a certainty of purpose,
and a sense of worth and beauty
that transcends the world?
Do you want a quietness that cannot be disturbed,
a gentleness that can never be hurt,
a deep abiding comfort,
and a rest so perfect it can never be upset?
All this forgiveness offers you.

~A Course in Miracles

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Somehow, in the last couple days, I got caught up in focusing on what has been lacking in my life... instead of focusing on the great blessings that have been bestowed on me. I guess it is something we can all get sucked into from time to time. 

I feel awkward writing about something so personal... especially since I just had a wonderful time of yoga in the park... but I feel this need to express myself some and the lessons that I learned today.

It started when my sweetheart started frowning more often than not and when we both became stressed about a lack of funds.  He recently came across a quote on his daughters yoga page that broke his heart, again...

To quote his daughter, "After almost two years of college I took a semester off to receive my second 200hr training in Kundalini Yoga through 7 Centers Yoga Arts. This training brought an amazing level of peace to my life, that at the time was very chaotic. My father left our family, essentially leaving us emotionally and financially high and dry you could say." 

This hurts us both because it's so not true, which leads me to question perspective and reality. 

Mark Twain said, “Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” I hope this is not true in this case. 

My sweethearts ex-wife requested a divorce over 6 years ago and since then he's provided for them all in every way... for the very Kundalini training and all yoga trainings that his daughter has taken and that she quotes as a savior during this time, and for her and her brothers college, all their cars, the roof over their heads. All their bills. Computers. Insurance. Medical expenses.  Car repairs.  You name it. And his heart has been open and never once closed off to his children... So... he's been hurt. I've been hurt. We've both worked so hard to keep them afloat as well as ourselves... it just hurts. We both keep hoping that this isn't the case anymore... that her perspective has changed, but she's given him no reason to think otherwise...

*Sigh... so here I am.  Becoming aware of this sorry and pitiful state within myself.  It has been important for me to continually remind myself of all that I have to be grateful for...

Anaïs Nin (1903 - 1977) said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."  

I learned this quote from a guide when I was a young girl... after experiencing many traumatic events.... it made me realize I no longer wanted to feel broken or empty or abandoned or alone, because I truly wasn't.

So maybe, his daughter is just so wrapped up in the feelings of loss for him in her home that she feels bereft of everything else (emotional and financial support) in general? Even though that's not reality. 

In practice I have been sending energy to the core central axis of the body.... starting from the bandhas, reaching up through the heart center and extending through the top of the head... continually finding a grounding sensation with the earth. It can be a magical experience... then the periphery seem to line up in a dynamic way. Connecting to prana... feeling subtle energy... I find it one of the most fascinating parts when it comes to the practice of yoga... the sensitivity we can tap into... feeling the grace that surrounds us... its beautiful... its powerful... and I'm sending peace her way. Om, shanti shanti shanti... Peace. Peace. Peace.

“Undisturbed calmness of mind is attained by cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked.” 
― Patanjali, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali